Family

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I remember times that I failed to demonstrate love to my wife and children, and when I think about situations when my self-centeredness hurt them, my eyes moisten; and like Isaiah my heart cries out, "Woe is me for I am undone." I am now one year past half a century, and though Christ freed me from my sin by his blood thirty six years ago, His merciful Spirit finds an ongoing need to teach and discipline me that I might love as He loves. The good I have done as a husband and father has only been by His grace and power. The failures are all on me, and I am acutely aware of them. I would simply like to share seven principles regarding the discipleship of children which I believe are from God's heart. Please read them, and see if you agree. Ladies, I apologize in advance; though these principles are for both mothers and fathers, I will begin by speaking directly to the men:

1. Love your wife! The Lord makes it clear in Malachi 2 that one of His purposes in creating marriage is the seeking of godly offspring. And He warns us in this very same passage not to break faith with the wife of our youth. Sadly, in some cases a brother or sister has no choice in regard to their own divorce.  But that is the exception rather than the rule, and we must understand that the spiritual and emotional well-being of our children is inextricably linked to how we fathers love their mothers. And what model are we to emulate in loving our wives? Well, let's just say that it's a pretty high standard.

2. Make the salvation of your children and their lifelong commitment to Christ, “job one.” It is not a coincidence that the last two verses in the Old Testament say this, "Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse" (NKJV).

The all-encompassing reason for our existence is to love God and each other forever. We were created for relationships. This is only possible by a person's acceptance of the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Batting average, GPA, physical attractiveness, IQ, athletic success, popularity, yearly income, community standing and any other talent, attribute, endeavor or accomplishment has zero value compared to this. Please make your child's commitment to Christ the number one priority of your life.

3. Make sure that your children see the person and power of Christ in you.  When Jesus spoke of His crucifixion in John 12, He said that when He was lifted up from the earth He would draw all men to Himself. Understand this: Jesus is attractive! Dead religion is unattractive. Hairsplitting legalism is unattractive. Petty church arguments are unattractive. Fearful, joyless living is unattractive. Selfishness is unattractive.

 
Nehemiah tells us that the joy of the Lord is our strength! Is that strength evident in our lives? If our children see the love of Christ and the joy of Christ in us, they will want to follow Christ. And if they don't, they won't.

 

I think that the loss of joy is a problem with which every believer struggles at times. And I believe that the key to restoring joy is to forget about our own sense of joy and seek the love of God to fill our hearts. When Paul and Silas were in pain from a beating and locked in chains in a stinking Philippian jail, they began to sing praises to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Their love for God and love for other people made their incredible suffering a time of rejoicing. Paul's love for God and for others was the source of his joy. Think about this—when the jailer was about to fall on his sword, all Paul needed to do to ensure his own freedom was to keep his mouth closed. But he cried out to save the jailer even at the risk of his own life.

My parents are in their early seventies, and they sacrificially give of themselves and their resources over and over and over again for no other reason than to help us. And guess what? They are almost always smiling and laughing about something. They find life joyful because for them there is no greater happiness than to bless the ones they love. When I find that joy has leaked out of my life, I ask my Father to change my heart. I ask Him to fill it with love for the people I see every day. For I know that the loss of joy is a symptom. The actual problem that causes it is a loss of love.

Remember Habakkuk 3:17-19: "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights" (NIV,1984).

4. Make sure that your children know that you love them. Every day they need to hear you say, "I love you.” But they also need you to show love by spending time with them, by asking about their day, by looking them in the eye and listening to them. They need to hear you say, "Good job" and, "I'm proud of you.” They need to hear you pray for them. They need you to be concerned about the things that concern them. They need you to hold them accountable and tell them "no,” even when they won't like you for it. They need hugs when they score the game-winning run and when they strike out—especially when they strike out. Whether they succeed or fail they need to know that you are their number one fan. They may roll their eyes; they may say you're embarrassing them; they may accuse you of being too strict and not understanding. But they will love your God, because you have loved them.

 

5. Teach your children that success is defined as bringing a smile to the face of God.  Most people define success as the attainment of personal happiness. And most believe that getting what they want will make them happy. Therefore, most people choose one of two ways to live: they tend to keep the rules in an effort to get what they want or they tend to break the rules in an effort to get what they want. Though society only works when most people keep the rules, living for our own happiness is idolatry that always ends tragically.  Solomon denied himself nothing his eyes desired, and the result was that he hated life (Ecclesiastes 2:10,17).

 

Thanks be to God, He can empower us to live a third way. We can live to please Him without regard to our own happiness. Understanding this will free our children from peer pressure and give them the strength to stand against the evil influences that will inevitably confront them. Paul said it so well in Philippians 1:20, "I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death" (NIV 1984).

 

6. Fight for godly influences in the lives of your children and fight against evil influences.  Moses says this in Deuteronomy 6, "Hear O Israel: the LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your home, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise" (ESV).

 

God's Word and the principles of God's Word need to echo repeatedly in the ears of our children. We need to keep them in church, and we need to teach them at home, but I am fully persuaded that they also need an academic education that is Christ-centered. Our oldest son is now twenty seven. He is following the Lord, and he and his lovely Christian wife recently gave us our first grandchild. When he was in the first grade and attending a local public school, a teenage boy described oral sex to him on the bus. I will never forget hearing him cry that night as he described the picture this description planted his young mind. My wife, Jan, and I decided then that we were going to do everything possible to provide our children with a godly environment in which to learn. There were no evangelical Christian schools in our area, and so we were determined that we were either going to home school our children or find like-minded parents and start a Christian school. The amazing interventions of God that enabled the founding of Harvest Christian Academy in 1993 and have kept it in operation ever since are numerous enough to fill a book. In this environment our children hear their teachers pray; they are taught that the Bible is true. They are presented with the reasonableness of the Genesis ac-count of creation and the worldwide flood and the fallacies of evolutionary dogma. Here their faith is strengthened rather the undermined. Our seven children range in age from eleven to  twenty seven. Four of them have already graduated From  Harvest Christian Academy. All of them are committed  followers of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ.  I  believe that John Calvin was wrong about unconditional election, limited atonement, irresistible grace and the perseverance of the saints. Therefore, I need to do everything I can, by His power and grace, to point my children to their Savior!

 

7. Pray without ceasing. I John 5:14-15 says, "This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him" (NASB).

I know from the clear teaching of God's Word that He wants me to love my wife and love my children. I know that He wants me to make my children's relationship with Him of the highest priority. I know that He wants the person and power of Christ to be obvious in my life. I know that He desires that my children understand that pleasing Him is the only success they will ever need. And I know that He wants to enable me to provide godly influences for my children and fight against evil influences in their lives. Therefore, I know that He will answer my prayers for these things! Pray!

 

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Teaching Our Kids to Be the King’s Kids Instead of the Culture’s Kids

By Greg Hudson

Dr. Greg Hudson, an ordained minister in the Church of God, is also a Pediatrician at Christ Care Pediatrics in South Shore, KY. He is active in the South Portsmouth, KY, Church of God, where he also serves as an elder.